Wonky Squares

JE SUIS GARTH

19/4/2016

Letter to Dr Paul Katz,

 

Assoc. Professor,

Upton House, Box Hill Hospital,

Mental Health,

 

Dear Doctor Katz, (A light hearted chat)

I’ve been thinking about you since our last conversation Dr Katz, and I had some more interesting thoughts for you. I know you wait from my advice. It won’t cost you anything.

I realize you are very busy Dr Katz, and still hunkered down in Box Hill Hospital, not taking phone calls and emails.

I’m worried about you Dr Katz, you need to get out more. Both you and Garth Daniels are at risk of deteriorating mental health if you both don’t socialize more. The only problem with Garth is you’ll have to untie his hands and feet first.

And just arrange a day for the two of you, where he isn’t confused from the zapping of electric shock treatments. Easy! Maybe you two can get in the car, then drive down to the nearest pool and do a few laps together. The beach is good too; imagine long walks on the sand, just you and Garth, sharing your problems. Then add a beautiful sunset and you’ll have the perfect day. See, I’ve got lots of good ideas.

Its six twenty five am. here, and the washing is nearly done, so we can talk for a bit longer. It’s ok, I’ve done the dishes, so I still have a few more minutes for you. See, I arrange my day early so I can catch up with my friends. I talk to them and take emails. Maybe you could take a leaf out of my book. Now close the computer, stretch back in your chair and relax. Visualize what you are going to do with your day.

You could also imagine what Garth Daniels is planning for his day too. You have a long relationship going back a while, so it would be sad if you didn’t plan to catch up soon. His dad Bernard would appreciate a call when you’ve got the time.

I know psychiatry is a drag sometimes, so maybe you and Garth and Bernard can get together and talk about the things you have in common. Garth’s feeling a bit down right now since he can’t see his dad and brother anymore; maybe you can cheer him up. Garth, his dad and brother are very close, you know, so it’s had a big bad impact on his recovery, not being able to see them. Go talk to him about it, he needs the contact, he’s lonely I guess, just like you.

But wait, incidentally, Garth wants no more pills, on top of the already pills please…..no more extra pills especially if you think he has depression from the treatment. Who wouldn’t have depression? His liver will thank you for the consideration. ….Take it from me, he doesn’t want more pills, or injections.  Enough!

It’s a neat field you reside in Dr Katz, where there are self-perpetuating treatments.

I went to a car repairer like that once. When I took the car to have the muffler replaced, always about a couple of weeks later, there would be an oil leak, then a few weeks later, a radiator leak, then a few weeks later a tyre puncture. The problems stopped when I changed repairers. Garth needs to do that too. He has another psychiatrist lined up. It’s time to give someone else a shot at treating him, since you and your mates have driven this thing into the ground.

You realize any admission to hospital is a huge failure, you know Dr Katz. More than three months is a disaster. You need to think more laterally. You’ve had him in hospital for over twelve months: What’s wrong? Its time you caught up with your books about psychiatry again and concentrated on your patients. There are short courses on line. I’ve heard about your dosing and phew! Who got it wrong? You need to sack someone on the floor. The credibility of psychiatry is going downhill fast at Box Hill Hospital and everywhere, and you’re not helping. It’s time to lift your game Dr Katz.

We need to start a….’ Save Psychiatry,’ campaign for you and your staff and bring people out on the streets. ……I won’t tell them what you’re doing, …I promise. They’ll never find out who did it from me. It will be alright.

You could put an ‘Amber Bird,’ and ‘Jonny Depp,’ heartfelt apology on line to plug the holes. ‘Pistol,’ and ‘Boo,’ got off scot free. Imagine what you can do for the image for psychiatry. You’ve got street creds

Now getting back to business – you could do with a better online presence Dr Katz. Your profile is looking a bit ragged. You need a catchy slogan: Wait for it, maybe….can’t think of one right now……ah! Got It!

‘Don’t be a mollusc, come here and get treated, you’ll be a completely different person when we’re finished’. It’s good, but you need to flesh it out.

I promised myself not to rave on too much this time, so I’ll have to wind this up. You can ring and tell me your troubles any time. I’ll listen. I wouldn’t want to be you, …because things are on the slide in a big way. You’re having trouble keeping track of the Garth Daniel’s and where he is right now. Nobody knows if he’s under the Eastern Health umbrella or Monash. Just keep a hold on where he is now, we don’t want him lost in the loose paperwork.

So have a nice day, Dr Katz, you are always in my dreams. – Not the best place to be right now. However, have a nice day Dr Katz, and we’ll talk again some time.

 

 

 

 

Advertisements